A Season of Hope

Hope in the middle of a storm

Romans 12:12 NIV

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”

            In the beginning of April, I was reorganizing my life and writing out my schedule on my various calendars around my apartment.  It just so happened that the month of April was the month of hope at my church, and I had so much hope for my future and my new career.  You see, I sometimes battle with anxiety and being overwhelmed.  It sometimes cripples me to the point of me shutting down and giving up on everything and everyone.  And, just before the month of hope rolled around, I was in that same headspace.  But I fought my way through in my own strength…. Stick with me here.  

Now, we all know the saying, “April showers bring May flowers” right?  Yes, this saying is meant to be poetic and bring forth a sense of hope as we endure periods of rain and or torrential downpours.  Let’s be honest, if you’re from the East Coast, we sometimes still get a little bit of snow during April as well.  Now, let’s talk about hope.  Hope, as a noun, is defined as a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.  In the book of Hebrews in the beginning of chapter 11, it states “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.  For by it, the elders obtained a good testimony.  Hope, it’s not a wish, it’s faith in action!  With all that being said, I was hopeful that my business was about to flourish.  I was hopeful that once this one business flourishes, I would then be able to sprinkle life into my other businesses and see them flourish as well.  Then boom!  I walked into work that morning with all MY hope and was let go before I could even gather my thoughts.  I’m laughing as I am writing this, but at the time I was at a loss for words.  Now, this is where the true “April Shower” began!

I was so shocked by the termination that a whole slew of emotions attacked me one after another.  I was sad, angry, confused, hurt, embarrassed, and feeling downright hopeless!  It was a rough beginning of the start of the second quarter!  I immediately started to think about what people would think about me, then I started to think about how I keep failing at things I put my whole self into.  Although there wasn’t a storm going on that beautiful day in April, there was a storm going on inside of my head.  Excuse the language, “You ain’t never going to be sh*t” kept replaying in my head as I was driving home replaying the events of that day and my short-lived career as a financial rep.  These were the words said to me by the first coach I trained with during my professional career in track and field.  These words have haunted me ever since the day they were said to me.

That night after I was let go, my daughter and I stayed at my mom’s house.  I felt myself periodically crying through the night and wanting to melt right into the floor.  The next day after I dropped my daughter off at daycare, I went to my mom’s house and just sat in her recliner staring into space.  Suddenly the whole house shook!  I ran to the door frame and looked outside to see if the actual earth was shaking, and I noticed the waters on the porch were rumbling too! I thought, was that an earthquake?  Sure enough, it was!  Spiritually, I thought ok, God is trying to shake things up in the world.  Then I thought, He’s trying to shake and stir things up in me!  Things that I gave up on or things that were dormant in my life needed to be reawakened immediately.  Immediately after that thought, I said to myself, or maybe that was just me.  Do you remember what I said at the beginning of this post, how I fought my way through in my OWN strength?  Yup!  Well, peep this!

As I searched on Indeed, teaching boards, and NCAA websites trying to find a new job I suddenly realized that I had no idea what I wanted to do.  All I knew was that I needed to make an income to pay my bills.  By the end of April, I still didn’t have any bites.  So, one morning as Bri was asleep in her new toddler bed, I stopped and took a moment to kneel and pray.  I specifically said Lord, I give it all to you.  Whatever it is that you want me to do I will do it, and when I get up from this prayer, I will have a new job notification in my email.  After that, Bri and I started our day.  When I was at my part-time job, something (the Holy Spirit), told me to check my email, and when I did, I had an email from a school for a position I was very interested in.  I’d like to tell you that I miraculously got the job, but I didn’t lol.  But what I will tell you, is that God is STILL a miracle worker!  A few weeks after my initial interview, the discouragement started to creep in again but the sermon that was preached that Sunday overtook those feelings.  I don’t remember the title, but our Pastor allowed the Holy Spirit to take over in a way that touched everyone in that room, as well as herself!  

What has God promised you, and you haven’t seen it come to fruition yet?  Is it a spouse, a child, a new job?  What is it?  As she kept letting the Spirit speak through her, I felt like God was saying I told you to pick certain things back up, and you haven’t.  Why?  Then the excuses started to flow because I’m scared, I’m too old, it didn’t happen before so why do it now?  Then it was like God was staring at me with His arms folded saying, and?  Then He asked me again, why haven’t you picked it back up?  As the words of my former coach started to creep back into my mind, God said no.  I know what I told you, PICK IT BACK UP!  

Now, I can’t share in full what God told me to do, but what I can share is that I’m going for it.  He said that the reason why things are not turning out the way I think they should is because there is a part of my destiny that was not fulfilled yet.  Moreover, it’s because you’re trying to do everything in your OWN strength, not Mine!  Those words that were said to you were meant to break you and to hinder you from this.  You have to break those word curses that were said over you, not just from that day from your former coach, but from everyone that you let into your life that wasn’t supposed to be there in the first place.  Yikes!  Now, that’s a blog for another day chile!  But the moral of the story is, get back up sis!  His grace is sufficient, His love is sufficient, and His power is more than enough to help you fulfill your purpose.  Stop running from it and believe in what He said!  It’s STILL coming!  It’s STILL yours!  We just have to “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” -Romans 12:12

So, sis, the choice is yours.  However, I am here to encourage you.  PICK ‘IT’ BACK UP!